Bin-raiders of the Lost (B)ark

Labels: Beanz 2008, carlsberg 2008, chips 2008, christmas 2008, tjam 2008

- by Beanz

Labels: Beanz 2008, squirrels 2008

- by Beanz

The local kids built a snowman on the common.

TJam let me have a look at it. She did't let me eat the carrot for a nose.

Bamgee walked me. She is not so experienced in thinking ahead on my behalf to avert disaster.

I was very gentle.

I took the carrot and dropped it on the floor.

I ate the carrot.

I love snowmen.

Labels: Beanz 2008, carrots 2008, snowmen 2008

- by Beanz

This morning I was innocently lying on my bed and TJam was making a call to the bank, on behalf of a (hitherto) reputable organisation. TJam got her diary to check something and put it on the windowsill.

Chips thought she heard a noise outside and forgot temporarily that she is not allowed to jump on the windowsill. Such activity is forbidden since Chips jumped clean through the window in 2002 and the police had to ring TJam at work for her to come and get her dogs off the main road.

Anyway, the automated person on the phone announced that the call would be recorded when TJam (also temporarily) forgot herself and shouted, "Get of my F***ing diary you stupid dog" as Chips put her muddy paw all over Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and ripped the page right out and skidded it up the ledge.

The call wasn't taken for another 90 seconds, so we are hoping the recording also didn't start until 90 seconds after the incident. If she heard anything, the operator didn't let on. TJam got stuff sorted with the bank.

TJam did take a comedy photo of the diary for evidence, but it had confidential information on it so I can't post it. I will leave it to your imagination.

PS I am not pointing the finger at others in this post because I have done so so very wrong that I am creating a diversion.
PPS Besides which, we have not told the person concerned about what I did so we can't publish it til we have sorted it out face to face with the wronged party.
PPPS Yes, this does mean that we might owe YOU an apology. If TJam phones you in the next few days, you should probably worry.

Labels: Beanz 2008, chips 2008, creating a diversion 2008, mishaps 2008

Once it's on the bed she'll never notice.

Labels: bad hair day 2008, Beanz 2008, chips 2008, mishaps 2008

- by Beanz

Labels: Beanz 2008, sausages 2008, tjam 2008

- by TJam

This post is brought to you by the letters W H A T T H E B L O O M I N G H E C K I S G O I N G O and N, and by the number 7.

7 possible titles for this post from TJam's point of view:
1. Bad things happen in 3s
2. Too ashamed to tell you what I did
3. Chocolate
4. I don't know how I'm going to make the last couple of days sound funny
5. Beanz and the Lamb Shank
6. Sorry I was late (I was cleaning up dog sick)
7. You know you're going to be mentioned on this blog when TJam asks you what you want your spy name to be


7 possible titles for this post from Chips's point of view:
1. Mmmm chocolate
2. Mmmm activated charcoal
3. Why did you leave out so little?
4. All's well that ends well
5. Grrr I can't believe Beanz got to the lamb shank first
6. Sorry about the sick in the cupboard under the stairs
7. I'm fine. Will you stop looking at me?

7 possible titles for this post from Beanz's point of view:
1. I must remember to jump up on the kitchen counter in the middle of the night
2. My Lamb Shank
3. My sprint across the field
4. Foiled by the 2 human pincer move expertly executed by TJam and B1B2 (that's her spy name)
5. How to remember where things are and go back to look for them
6. Please don't buy a remote spray collar
7. Well, if you ever think that you have got things under control, of course a dog will have to put you in your place

Possible photos to illustrate this post:

See, we can leave it if we have to. Wait... why are you putting that in the bin?

WAIIIIITTTTTT!

PS Good luck B2

Labels: Beanz 2008, chips 2008, eaten 2008, mishaps 2008, sick 2008, tjam 2008

- by Beanz

Is the vet'nery surgery a place for comedy?

Today I had to go the V. E. T. to a certain intimate procedure. Think sacs. Think anal.

So, I was in the waiting room, and my v. e. t. Alex (there now Alex, you're named and shamed) thought it was funny to come into the waiting room, call my name and ping his rubber glove on his upheld hand.

How the humans laughed.

Revenge is best served cold.

Labels: Beanz 2008, laughter at my expense 2008, not very funny at all 2008, vet 2008

- by Beanz

Labels: Beanz 2008, deer 2008, water 2008, weather 2008

- by Beanz

I went on high alert on day 1, and remained on high alert for 5 whole days. I couldn't go to the toilet for 24 whole hours because I was so busy watching for rabbits.

There were sheep in the fields but I wasn't interested in them at all. Well, I could have been persuaded if they ran really fast, but they didn't really do it for me.

Even when we went to Hadrian's wall, I had my rabbiting face on:

And that was my holiday. Next time, I would like to go off the lead and do some proper chasing.

Labels: Beanz 2008, cottages 2008, holidays 2008

- by Beanz

Labels: Beanz 2008, poop 2008

- by Beanz

Labels: Beanz 2008, mishaps 2008, paws 2008

by Beanz

Labels: Beanz 2008

- by Beanz

Labels: Beanz 2008, chips 2008, sun 2008

- by Beanz

Labels: bamgee 2008, Beanz 2008

Labels: beach 2008, Beanz 2008, chips 2008, fairies 2008

Labels: Beanz 2008, chicks in a walkway 2008, nature 2008

Then, as the heavens opened, we found a cafe and decided to spend the afternoon there!

And then, able assistant number 2, TJam. I had got into my stride by that time, and was quite the speedy one.

The Gales and rain really came into force by the time we walked back to the campsite. Over half the campers upped and left. The ones who were out for a long day's treck, only to crawl home looking forward to hopping into their dry sleeping bag in their lovely warm tent were going to be in for a bit of a shock.

The campsite had to erect a tent graveyard (/recycling area).

We tucked ourselves up in our (still standing) tent and the humans cheered themselves by creating a dining room in the porch with red wine and chocolate. The plastic tea set only added to the atmosphere.

...before we braved the Bank Holiday traffic to come home.

Carlsberg has forgiven TJam for forgetting to press "start" on her 2nd feeder so she only had dried food for a whole day. Diddums. She should try being a dog.

Labels: bamgee 2008, Beanz 2008, bready 2008, camping 2008, chips 2008, weather 2008

by Beanz

They say that decking is aka rat hotel.

I just threw up on our decking so I guess that knocks a couple of stars off their accommodation status. Or maybe it adds a couple on.

Bodes well for our camping trip tomorrow too.

Labels: Beanz 2008, sick 2008

Labels: Beanz 2008, PAT 2008, singing 2008

- by Beanz

I think the Loch Ness Monster may have moved down south...

I had a good bark at it and it swam on by. It didn't dare come to the bank, that's for sure. Not with Beanz the Fearless on duty.

In other news, here we are down by the canal. This is the spot I got scared at so TJam keeps bringing us down here to show me there is nothing to worry about. Darn her and her challenge-your-fears attitude. In fact, I am not scared at all. Well, not while the Loch Ness Monster stays upstream.

Labels: Beanz 2008, canal 2008, loch ness monster 2008

- by Beanz

I swam today. Proper doggy swimming. Not puppy "stepped-out-too-far-into-the pond-and-couldn't-turn-round-so-had-to-doggy-paddle-to-the-other-side" swimming, but "boldy-stepped-out-into-the-same-pond-and-swam-to-the-other-side-without-choking" swimming.

I don't know who was proudest, me or TJam.

Labels: Beanz 2008, swimming 2008

- by Beanz

Yesterday, TJam got a special lamp. It is supposed to help her wake up slowly and naturally so she is not such an old grump in the mornings. We'll see.

So last night, she set it all up to simulate the sunrise and a dawn chorus of chirpy little birdies.

All night long, every half hour, on the half hour, she excitedly woke up, looked at her clock/lamp and asked herself, "Is it time to wake up yet?"

and every half hour, on the hour, it wasn't time to wake up yet.

And then there was a power cut.

so by the time it was time to wake up yet, she was exhausted and non the wiser, as the clock/lamp had gone off, with there being no power and all.

She has set it again for tonight, with her phone as a backup. We'll let you know if she is sweetness and light tomorrow.

This evening, I have been roaching. To avoid offence, I want you to imagine that I am roaching for pure joy, and not because I have found a half crispy fox poo on the floor. Ignore what TJam says. I am not a dirt bag.

Labels: Beanz 2008, roaching 2008

- by Beanz

Do any of you other dogs get this weird thing where you keep gulping really hard and then you HAVE TO get out and eat loads and loads and loads of grass like a thing possessed. You can't walk along or anything, you've just GOT TO eat grass. And if there is no grass, anything green and leafy will do (even raspberry leaves at a push). It has happened to me twice today.

Does it happen to you? What is it? Is there anything that makes it go away apart from eating grass. TJam is not that happy if I HAVE TO go out to eat something green at 3am.

Labels: Beanz 2008, questions 2008

Labels: Beanz 2008, chips 2008, winner 2008

- by Beanz While TJam was at work, I had a go at being an Andrex* puppy. I look disappointed in this picture because I have just realised that I am
a) not yellow
b) not a labrador
b) not a puppy any more

I stand zero chance of being the face of Andrex.
My life is just passing me by.




* Other toilet tissues are available.

Labels: Beanz 2008

- by Beanz

Labels: Beanz 2008, mishaps 2008

- by Beanz

So eventually the man caught me and put me on his lead and ran back to where he could hear TJ calling. I was so relieved to see everyone I just sat and looked at them and looked at them some more.

With all TJ reads on Doglost and all the posters she puts up for other dogs and the 3 that have been stolen round here recently, TJ didn't know if she would get me back. I am nice and friendly after all. So the moral of the story is that there are really nice and kind people in the world. People that will run themselves out of breath for a dog and then won't give their address so you can give them some beer to say thank you.

Now the fire is lit. I am laying on my tiny beanbag and all is well.

And not boring.

Labels: Beanz 2008, lost 2008, mishaps 2008, winner 2008

- by Beanz

At first TJ thought we had a new cash machine. But no. It is bigger than that.

You see, we don't just have any old "sort your recycling into green glass, brown glass and plastic" any more. Oh no! We now have a hole-in-the-wall, top-of-the-range, put-your-items-into-the-hole-one-by-one-and-watch-the-screen-while-it-analyses-your-rubbish-and-tells-you-whether-it-is-metal,-plastic-or-glass facilities. If you go too fast it even tells you one-item-at-a-time before the rubbish is taken away inside the machine and you hear it being smashed and compacted.

I am sure they have calculated that the energy used to light, analyse, automatically sort and generally power the Recycling Centre is less than the old fashioned way. It is certainly more fun.

Labels: Beanz 2008, recycling 2008

- by Beanz

Labels: Beanz 2008, wellies 2008

- by Beanz

No, it wasn't another cat tree (besides which we haven't got any space for any more cat trees).

When TJam went to Crufts, she was looking for a collar for me. I am a longish, biggish dog but with a thinnish neck (not scraggy or puny you understand, just slender). So if I get a collar that is wide enough to not strangulate me if I should forget myself and pull forward, it is a good 6 inches too baggy and prone to falling off if I drop my head down.

So at Crufts, TJam was discussing this with the snugglepets people and they have made me a collar nice and wide for substantial dogs, but they have made it short like for small dogs and now I have A COLLAR THAT FITS. Here I am admiring it. They made it specially and posted it out to me today. I will take it for its virgin run tomorrow morning. Yay!

In other, not such good news, the wellies that TJam got at Crufts have already cracked big holes in themselves. We will have to propose TJam to run a wellie testing project and all the companies can give her free samples. These were the worst ever, breaking after only 10 days. A record.

Labels: Beanz 2008, wellies

We were deserted again last Friday and TJam and her sister FlipTop went to Crufts. Yes, they went without us dogs. We are not peddy gree enough. So we spent the day at Pin's house. We love Pin so it was ok.

When TJam and FT got to Crufts, they stood for a little while being overstimulated and shouting, "We don't know where to start! We don't know where to start!". Then they started shopping.

They went and had a look at some dogs. These are well behaved dogs that sit in their stalls until it is their turn to go in the ring. See?

Labels: Beanz 2008, crufts 2008

Labels: Beanz 2008, chips 2008, doghouse 2008, eaten 2008

We are posting this tribute from Jane in memory of her lovely Floss.

You were feisty for a little old lady, but you had such a gentle soul. We’ll forever miss your uncompromising affection, your infectious passion for life, and your special gift for knowing just when we needed a cuddle. In the sunset of your life, I hope we made you as happy, warm and contented as you could ever be. You’ll always be our special little girl and we’ll always miss you.

Love you forever our sunshine girl.

Labels: Beanz 2008

- by Beanz

I knew she wouldn't last.

I have had my tea. Yay for the doleful eye trick. Works every time.

Labels: Beanz 2008, doghouse 2008

- by hungry Beanz

I am in the doghouse for prancing about like an idiot and willfully running 10 paces in front of TJam so she couldn't catch me. I am in the doghouse for enjoying myself. I don't know why TJam is annoyed. I was just scavenging and sniffing around some people's gardens. She didn't have to come back and look for me. If she had held her nerve whilst hiding behind the tree to try and make me feel lost and scared, she could have stayed where she was.

It is 6.16pm and I haven't had my tea yet. Doesn't TJam know, if the punishment isn't delivered within 3 seconds of the crime, I don't know what I am being punished for? She seems to be pleased with herself though. She'll cave in soon, once she's got it out of her system.

Labels: Beanz 2008, doghouse 2008

- by Beanz

For a while there, What is it Wednesday was looking shaky as TJam bravely took on the mighty Norovirus and lived to tell the tale. (Thank you to Bamgee for walking us on Sunday. You're fab!)Then a combination of The Vicar of Dibley and this morning's weather provided the perfect scenario.

Cryptic clue: Turkish Delight

Labels: Beanz 2008, what is it wednesday 2008

- by Beanz

At the risk of losing any self respect she may have had, TJam has agreed to put in our reinactment of this Wednesday's film.

If you need a clue, this film is 69 years old but is as fabulous today as it was back then.

Labels: Beanz 2008, what is it wednesday 2008

- by Dr Beanz

Tjam has come stomping home today. When I questioned her, she described a scene from her post office (that is a place humans go to post letters and such like). She had been posting a parcel, when a senior citizen of a man came in (although, as you will see, not a bronze, silver or gold senior citizen). He made some small talk and got onto the subject of his passport application. I will now outline the exchange and give my commentary. Ahem:

Man: "They're slow in this post office (said in a joking way to indicate friendliness with PO staff). How long did my passport take?! They made me do my photo again." - Dr Beanz says: What, the post office rejected his photo for a bit of post office sport? Surely not!"

Man: "Yes, they made me take my glasses off! And my wife was half smiling and you're not allowed to show your teeth, so they made her do hers again." Dr Beanz says, "Ah now I'm begining to see where this is going. You are abdicating responsibility and blaming the post office for a consequence of your own making."

Man: "Blackies would have no problem though. They put you straight through if you're a blackie!" Dr Beanz says, "Woah, I didn't see that coming. Hold on while I shake myself down and analyse this. Well sir, maybe "blackies" read the passport application instructions and do it right the first time."

Dr Beanz says, "Grrrrrr"

Labels: analysis 2008, Beanz 2008

- by Chips

Today is our gotcha day. It is 6 years since TJam learnt why people say you should never get two dogs at the same time. 6 years since she learnt the wisdom in not just turning up at the dogs' home with the intention of getting, "2 black dogs". 6 years to ponder why someone would put a 5 month old puppy in the home because it was too boisterous. 6 years to wonder how anyone managed to actually dump me, Chips, the GPS/velcro dog, and get away from me long enough for me to become stray.

And so it was, that fateful night 6 years ago, that TJam drove home with her two black dogs in the boot of her Nissan Micra (parcel shelf removed), and that I had to stand in a pool of Beanz's carsickness and a little diarrhea to boot.

She brought us into the house. Beanz was a lot cuter than I remember actually:

and although she was very energetic, she got tired easily.

Labels: Beanz 2008, chips 2008, gotcha day 2008, memories

- by Beanz

If you are TJam's mum, aunt or technophobic friend, you might not know what this is about. Chips, Carlsberg and I are new to "the blogging community" but from what we see, loads of people read each others' blogs and make friends. Sometimes they do the modern equivalent of parlour games: they set each other challenges or projects which are fun and building of the community spirit.

Now that we have forayed into this new dimension, TJam hopes it is not too early for us to set a project.* Traditionally it seems to be linked to a day of the week. We were going for film friday but it is only Wednesday and we couldn't wait that long. Besides which, this Friday is special to us for another reason and there won't be room to fit a film in as well (brace yourself). Alternatively, we might just not link it to any day at all.

The challenge is this:
Recreate a film or tv programme of your choice in a film or photo and other people have to guess what it is.

This is our first attempt, inspired by my backside and the railway line**

If you were not around in the late 70s, early 80s, you might not get it. If you were, sing along and do the chorus accapelo.

* If it is too early and we have created a blogging faux pas, I'm sure the blogging police will put us right. We respond best to positive reinforcement officer.

** NB this is a model railway line and the trains do not run at this time of year. No dog was harmed or endangered during the making of this video.

PS Join in! We are not going to tag anyone, join in when you feel the urge.

Labels: Beanz 2008, blogging community, what is it wednesday 2008

- by Beanz

I am going to accept this award on behalf of Chips and Carlsberg because I am the one who likes to think. It is a great honour to be given this award by Graham, Prince and Tilly Too especially because I have only just met them (virtually of course. You should never meet internet people in real life if you haven't even met them on the internet yet).

It is the thinking blogger award.



Here is some evidence, should you need it, that we are very thoughtful. Here I am, doing my most thinking face, pondering by the light of a pumpkin's grin...


Here are the rules attached to the Thinking Blogger Award:



1. You must write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think. (No squirrel or cat blogs, they'll just make you hungry.)

2. Acknowledge and link to this post.

3. Optional: Proudly display the 'Thinking Blogger Award' with a link to the post that you wrote.

4. Tell your humans to fork over the treats!



Now, passing it on is a hard one because I know that Marvin has already had a thinking award, and I just gave a best friend one to Mack and the SUMDs, so I will choose the following:

Randi: because I like his blog and I think about him and his brother.

Finding Beau: we have discussed this a lot in our house. It is such a long time ago and yet we still want Beau to come home... we think a lot about this and lost dogs in general.

Alan Martin: This is his personal blog, and I hope the link to his video (below) works. Not only does he challenge TJam to think about her attitude to so many things, situations and people, but he is also has an amazing talent of putting everybody (and we mean EVERYBODY, even TEENAGERS) at their ease nd joining in in no time at all. Not bad for anyone, before mentioning that Alan couldn't say a word until he was 31 and his friends clubbed together to get him his first communication aid. Now he is a self employed dancer, actor and activist, volunteer, role model and working full out to help others fulfil their potential. He makes us think what communication is about in its fullest form. Respect.

Steve Don't Eat It! This page pleases the dogs and humans in this household. Chips and I are in awe. TJam laughs a lot and gags a lot. Wholesome fun for the whole family. Well, for those who enjoy the odd swear word anyway.

Badger That! We liked this blog because everyone had spy names (although they weren't called spy names, just not real names) and because it was the blog that inspired us to put more photos on our own pages. Read Badgers award winning post of the week.

Ok, so that is 5 links and now for a photo that should make YOU think. How comes I am so much bigger that Bamgee? I could EAT her! hahahaha.

TJam - hand over the treats. We're award winners now you know. I'll have a tripe stick to start, and Chips will take a Kong stuffed with cat food. In fact, make that two....

Labels: award 2008, bamgee 2008, Beanz 2008

- by Beanz

Ooops I was so proud about our best friend award by Marvin 007 and three quarters, that I forgot to pass it on! What kind of best friend am I?!

Anyway, I would like to award it to the SUMD and Mack the poolovinmutt.

Labels: Beanz 2008

- by Beanz

We have had a busy weekend. We went to Madchenster (that's its spy name) and when we went for a walk this morning, my park was completely flooded! You can see the little bridge over the stream is almost completely under water. I had a good paddle and splash around, but Chips has not been feeling herself so she just had a little drink.
We couldn't walk across the park (I did try but Tamsin's new wellies sprung a leak and Chips didn't want to) so we went a different way. We found a funny bench with a monster thing at the end. I had a good old bark at it at first but once Tamsin had balanced a couple of treats on its nose, I didn't mind it so much. I don't really like fake animal model things. Chips was not bothered and she got on the bench and admired the intricate carvings until I was ready to pose.

Labels: Beanz 2008, being brave 2008, chips 2008, flooding 2008

-by Beanz

Labels: Beanz 2008, rain 2008

- by Beanz

Labels: Beanz 2008, carlsberg 2008

- by Beanz Ok, so I am not a professional bin-raider. Not in the Chips league. But if Chips and TJam go out and leave me alone with a bin, then this is what they will get. It may only be a pile of rubbish, but it's my pile and it's my rubbish.

Labels: Beanz 2008, bin-raiding 2008, eaten 2008

- by Beanz
Well, today is a First. I have been given a Best Friends award by Marvin! He is my new online friend. I liked him because he looks like me (or I look like him). Now I like him because he his funny and friendly and kind.

Thank you Marvin. I am honoured!

In other news (because I am not allowed to get bigheaded), TJam is frantically cleaning the house. Her parents are coming to stay this weekend. We have yet to give them spy names. The possibilities are endless but TJam doesn't want to be excommunicated.

By the way, if you want a spy name for use in this blog, leave a comment for what you would like to be known as.

Labels: Beanz 2008

Labels: Beanz 2008, carlsberg 2008, Spot the cat 2008

- by Beanz Happy New Year to Everyone!

It has been a cold start to the year and I managed a walk on the pond. I couldn't stop sniffing it. It was very exciting.

We have been overhauling the blog too. No more human postings. It's animal only. And we are giving pseudonyms to all our human friends to avoid identity fraud. And because it's much more exciting and gangsta that way.

TJam (as she will now be known) would have liked to be a spy, if she had been clever enough. Unfortunately she is not. Well, fortunately for us, because otherwise she would be off, saving the world, when there are more important things closer to home, like feeding US.

Anyway, at the risk of repeating myself, happy new year to everyone.

(And kudos to all of us who managed to sleep in the humans' bedroom on the pretext of being scared of New Year Fireworks. Worked like a charm)

Labels: Beanz 2008